Computers, Privacy & the Constitution

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SylvieRampalFirstPaper 9 - 10 May 2009 - Main.ElizabethDoisy
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  I agree that part of the problem is too much metaphor. It's a issue I tend to have in my own writing, so I understand the impulse to hang on to a bit of interesting or beautiful language, even at the expense of clarity, but it's something to be attentive to, if not always against. Many of the metaphors you use are, in some sense, poetically valuable and interesting, but there are so many, and so little framework that they end up detracting rather than adding to your essay. I think that introducing a more clear argument (like the kind you suggest in the comment) and replacing at least a few abstractions with concrete examples would really improve the essay. I read it again after having read the comment, and having your argument clearly spelled out in my mind as I read made a big difference in the impact of the piece, so I suspect this will help a lot.

-- DanaDelger - 06 May 2009

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Hi Sylvie! I was just wondering, tangentially, if the opposite of your point can be true as well. Can the "unveiling that surveillance imposes" also reinforce our true identity as individuals? We each create a persona or identity and project it to the world at large, and choose what/how much of ourselves we reveal to others. However, if we are "under surveillance," and are no longer able to maintain a zone of private identity, does that finally allow others to see who we truly are?

-- ElizabethDoisy - 10 May 2009

 
 
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Revision 9r9 - 10 May 2009 - 00:10:01 - ElizabethDoisy
Revision 8r8 - 07 May 2009 - 20:43:51 - SylvieRampal
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