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CourtneyDoakSecondPaper 14 - 18 Jul 2012 - Main.CourtneyDoak
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Reflections on Splitting | |
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< | -- By CourtneyDoak - 09 Jul 2012 | >
> | -- By CourtneyDoak - 18 Jul 2012 | | | Fissures | | | When my first psychic defense mechanism (reframing my perceptions) failed, I think, perhaps, that I split. Because splits are subconscious, I cannot identify precisely when this occurred. What I know is that a time came when I didn’t regularly feel the crushing heaviness of my dissonance. In hindsight I worry I was unconsciously drifting into the easiest way of life, the narrator’s route in “Bartleby, The Scrivener”, a life where others would characterize me as “eminently safe” (Melville 1). | |
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< | Wholeness - And Fissures, Revisited | >
> | Wholeness - and Fissures, Revisited | | | Periodically, my subconscious desires cracked the façade of complacency. Perhaps this indicates that I hadn’t fully split, hadn’t fully repressed my dissonance; alternatively, perhaps the nagging was in fact my ghost. Either way, I feel fortunate that the strength of my desires pulled me back together and brought me here. | | | Skylar, thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate them. As I clarified in my paper above, there was not, as far as I can recall, a specific moment where I was shocked awake, or where I had an epiphany that drew me back to law school. I think it's more accurate to say that I periodically felt the nagging of my subconscious desires, which intermittently cracked through my ambivalence and reminded me that this was not the work I was meant to do or to which I wanted to devote my life. What I am not sure of is whether this nagging means I had not entirely repressed my subconscious desires and my cognitive dissonance, and thus had not completely split, or whether this nagging was in fact my ghost, haunting me intermittently and gradually waking me up to the fact that I was not making the kind of difference I wanted to make. Either way, I feel fortunate that the strength of my desires pulled me back together and compelled me to apply to law school. Again, thank you so much for your comments, and for inspiring me to think more deeply about what drew me here. | |
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< | -- CourtneyDoak - 27 Apr 2012 | >
> | -- CourtneyDoak - 18 Jul 2012 | | | |
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