You were correct in the assessment of this essay that you gave me: there's too little substance here to hold the reader. The same basic point is repeated too many ways: the insight—that clear purpose and courage are necessary to overcome conformist pressures to limit self-expectations—is valuable, but it becomes less rather than more accessible as you repeat it, because readers tire and can be expected to depart.

Revising here requires more than inventing new ways to say the same thing. You have to push your thinking forward along one of many lines that could be selected, in order to go past the pep talk rhetoric.